The Birth Story (every detail)

Sunday October 2, 2011:

We checked into the hospital at 7:00pm with the intention of inducing labor.  I wasn't even remotely softening or dilating.  The first attempt at induction started at 8pm with the insertion of a pill close to my cervix.  The hope was that the drug would soften my cervix and start contractions.  We did this every four hours for the rest of the night - a total of 4 times - with not much improvement.

Monday October 3, 2011:

I was dilated 1 cm by Monday morning and I was having erratic and unproductive contractions (that were not painful).  Unfortunately the baby's heart rate was showing extreme highs and lows in response to the contractions so they decided to do a pitocin test to check more accurately her response to contractions.  This was the first mention of a possible C-Section.  Because my contractions were so erratic they gave me a low dose of pitocin with the hopes of observing 4 contractions in 10 minutes and observing the baby's heart rate in response.  Thankfully, she responded quite well to the pitocin test so my doctor decided to give me and baby a rest for the remainder of the day and let the medications get out of our systems and see if I would have more regular contractions on my own.  If not, we would try again with the insertion of the cervix softening drug and do Monday's whole process again.  As a result we were able to get about 7 hours of sleep Monday night - a welcome change from the night before of being monitored and checked periodically through the night.

Tuesday October 4, 2011:

Around 7am the nurse came in to start the insertion of the cervix softening drug ... she guessed I was maybe dilated 2cm.  Around 8:40am the doctor on call (my doctor had been on 24 hour duty on Tuesday and was now off) came in and checked me again saying that I was dialated 2cm and she could stretch me to 3cm (and I could feel it).  While she was in there she stripped my membranes and decided now was a good time to break my water.  I am glad she did it all at once but whoa ... that was super uncomfortable!  Contractions started in about 2 hours later once they could give me pitocin and then the real fun began.  While the pitocin did have the desired affect of stimulating contractions it did have some awful residual affects ... mainly coupling and tripling of contractions.  This means I did not experience those oft described periods of "rest" between contractions.  I can count on three fingers the number of restful minutes during my six plus hours of hard labor.  I would build up to a really strong contraction and after peaking I would slowly start to come down off the contraction but before I hit that period of rest my uterus would decide that it wasn't quite ready to quit and it would start the up swing into a SECOND contraction and peak slightly lower than the first contraction.  And if I was really lucky (which I often was) there would be a THIRD contraction to top it off.  I had hoped to be able to move around while laboring - using a birth ball and a soaking tub - but was unable to due to triple contractions and all the monitors I was on - including an internal monitor for my contractions.  To make matters worse I had a BAD case of the shakes.  My entire body shook in between contractions.  It was so bad that I felt a sense of desperation and started to fear the upcoming contraction - a really bad head-space to be in while in labor (in my humble opinion).

Needless to say I was exhausted.  After six plus hours the doctor came in to check my progress.  I had heard so much deflating news over the past few days that I was convinced that I was just suffering and that not much progress was being made.  Part of it was I couldn't get my hopes up.  I even expressed at one point that I wasn't sure that we were really going to have a baby today.  The nurses assured me that I would - one way or another.  I was ready to agree to a C-Section at this point if it was brought up again.  Unknown to me the nurses were convinced that I was not progressing either and had started the paperwork for it.  The doctor checked me and announced that I was dilated 7cm!  The entire room - my parents, the nurses, the doctor, Nate, and I - all cheered!  It was such a relief.  At this point the nurse informed me that I had escaped a C-Section a second time.

I felt a sense of accomplishment at this point and felt totally at peace with the decision to have an epidural.  My biggest fear was that I would have to be in that rounded position during a triple contraction or that my severe shaking would make the insertion of the needle impossible.  I expressed my concerns and the wonderful anesthesiologist assured me that she would be able to do it as long as no sudden movements happened.  The hospital had this amazing apparatus for me to get into position ... it looked like an upright massage chair where I put my forehead against it and a platform for my feet and I took a hold of Nate's shirt and held him close while arching my back.  THE EPIDURAL WAS A DREAM.  I have heard horror stories about them not working, leaving you unable to walk for sometime, only working on one side, etc. but I was sooo blessed to have it work perfectly.  My entire labor I had been mostly uncommunicative - breathing and moaning through the contractions while holding Nate's hand against the bed rail while on my side with a pillow between my legs.  It is important to note that Nate was awesome during the birth.  He was there for me the entire time - I really needed to feel his presence there and he watched the monitors vigilantly.  He had expressed concern about the sights and smells of birth and wasn't sure he would be able to get through witnessing it ... lets face it ... he was scared.  But in reality he was a champ and wanted to be a part of everything.  He pretty much saw it all and didn't feel like he needed to leave or couldn't handle what was going on.  I was really really happy.  Once the epidural had taken affect I was "back" - as Nate said - and was chatting up the room.  I felt like I could actually do this.  Another two hours went by while I finished dilating the remaining three centimeters ... which were actually really restful for me.

The baby was moving down slowly - the doctor assured me that my pushing was helping and although I couldn't feel it we were making progress.  Unfortunately it was much slower then we all wanted and they were getting increasingly concerned.  I had developed a fever and they were suspecting that an infection was brewing in my uterus and might be the cause of my erratic contractions.  They told me if we didn't start pushing now and get her out soon we were looking at a C-Section for a third time today.  The nurses and doctor decided not to mention to me that the size of her head (turns out to be 14 inches) and my pelvis were at odds and thus they were concerned that we weren't going to be able to deliver vaginally ... after all that work that information would have been hard for me to hear so I was thankful to learn that information later.  As we began to get ready for pushing my mom grabbed my left leg and Nate had my right leg and I reached behind my thighs and bared down.  I was unable to identify the strongest contractions from the weaker ones (because yes I was still having double and triple contractions) and we wanted to make sure we pushed on the strong ones.  We got going on the pushing and I felt as though my eyes were going to pop out of my head.  For pretty much all labor and delivery my eyes were shut as I channeled my energy into getting the baby out.  I was trying to not get too light headed or feel like I was going to pass out.  As pushing progressed the internal monitor was removed and I was on my own knowing when to push but by this time I had a good idea.  I could feel the contractions at the top of my uterus and they weren't painful and then I could feel the pressure down below.  I was now calling the shots in the room and telling everyone when to get ready because we were going to start pushing.  My dad was across the room - out of visual range - and we put him to work counting to ten.  He mostly did a great job except in the moments when he ran out of breathe and started acting like a personal trainer and trailing off with the counting.  At that point I yelled out - "this is not a work out video - I am not pushing until you say ten, I am quitting at ten." He started to shape up then - hahaha.

Although I was told that everyone could see her head I wouldn't allow myself to think it meant more than just a spot on her head.  In reality a good portion of her head was visible!  I took my cues more from actions around me than the words I was hearing - when everyone got excited and animated I realized she was coming!  When the doctor started to get on her protective gear I realized we were close and I pushed even harder.  The doctor at this point said that she was going to use a vacuum to help her get out of there and I tried my best to make due with out it.  In the end the vacuum is exactly what she needed.  After about 45 min of pushing out she came at 7:05pm!

Finally here!  And she has hair!

Its funny to say but it all happened so fast - she was out and up on my chest in one big motion.  I was in shock that she was finally here.  She hadn't yet cried and so they took her away for a moment and Nate went with her as they cleaned her up and got her crying - I could hear her right away and I cried also.  Nate quickly brought her back to me and we had over an hour skin-to-skin contact.  I was like a broken record saying "BABY" and "She's so beautiful" over and over and over again.  She looked amazing - nice and full cheeks with smooth skin!  No wrinkly new-born baby here!  Other than the substantial bruise and a few abrasions on her head from the vacuum, she was perfect.  I cried and thanked Heavenly Father for a beautiful and healthy baby girl.  Nate and I are just amazed at how beautiful and wonderful she is.  We love her so much.  We still look at each other and say, "we have a baby!" or "can you believe that we did that?  we birthed a baby!"

It truly is a miracle and I have a deeper and more profound respect for women across the world and the ages for sacrificing so much and being so brave.  I feel honored to be counted among those women who are called mothers.  I am also humbled by the responsibility of motherhood and am thankful for the influence of the Spirit to guide Nate and I thorough this journey of parenthood. 

Stella Mae we love you more than words can describe!

waiting on an angel ...

This girl and my body don't agree with the doctor who wanted her to come a week early because of GD. I am currently dilated ONE cm only after inserting multiple "softening " medications since 8 pm last night and even a trial run on pitocin. I am not in pain I am just uncomfortable.

The doctor is giving me a break for a few hours to flush the meds out of my system and we will start again tonight. We are crossing our fingers that this second round will work and that contractions will start and be productive.

We shall see!

count down

as of friday my OB has decided that Sunday night he will check me into the hospital ... so we could see baby girl in less than a week!

other good news ... my last day of work was friday! yay! it was a great job and a fun place to work but i am tired and ready to rest up for the labor and motherhood ahead. its really setting in how life changing this is and how much i love this little fortune cookie. we are so excited to have her be apart of the family and kick off our parenthood!

of course i have all sorts of ideas of how to spend this week - nesting, resting, and walking ... hopefully to get the whole birth thing going. most everything for baby is all ready to go and since we don't know her name yet I can't do any crafty name specific projects for her like i would like. but there are some wet bag/accessory bags that i want to quickly sew this week before she arrives, along with some christmas crafts/gifts and home projects (not too involved) that i want to get going.

i also have about three different books going on to keep me from wasting my life on the internet this week ... a natural birthing book (we shall see if i can go this route ... but i am open to options), a "how to help your baby be less fussy and sleep longer" book, and a good old southern story - "Gone with the Wind."

a fun week ahead ... including General Conference ... so hopefully i won't be too bored waiting for Sunday night to come along.

i will post a picture of the belly this week!

baby shower, birthing class, and 34 weeks

i had a great trip out to see the family in the OC at the beginning of the month. my sister and mom threw me a baby shower and it was great! lots of fun items! baby girl has got some clothes! more than one baby girl deserves i am sure. between gifts and having girl cousins, we are really excited for the fun things to dress her up in! baby girl also has quilts and blankets galore - most are hand made and so so darling. we are really excited this little one will be kept nice and snuggly in the cold Eugene rain. and nate parents got us this sweet crib ...

i know ... i am obsessed with gray. it is just the right neutral - not too bland and boring, still a good base, but not too dominating. i just love it. i love the modern simplicity of it.

as i mentioned before, nate and i were going to be apart for 4 days for the first time since we have been married - we have our 2nd anniversary on Monday (woot, woot). i was doing fine on Thursday and Friday and even Saturday. but Sunday rolls around and i start getting sad about it. i had a hard time for the rest of the trip ... which i wonder how much is pregnancy hormones and how much were my real feelings. i haven't lived with my parents or in california in 10 years so its not like it had felt like home for a long time ... but i really really felt this time that this was not my home and that i actually did have a home someplace else ... nate is my home and my home is in eugene. i missed our small little life together and just seeing him. needless to say i cried when i finally got home at midnight on Tuesday. i love you babe.

in mom/baby health news ... this week starts the beginning of twice a week doctor's appointments - one for a mini ultra-sound to check the amniotic fluid levels and one for a non-stress test where they monitor baby girl's heart beat over a period of time. i saw baby girl yawn three times on the ultra-sound today ... her jaw was very easy to distinguish and it looked so crazy! she is moving around like crazy these days, especially at night (which makes me feel like she has her days and nights mixed up ... great). nate had his hand on my belly the other night and felt her doing her gymnastics and we were cracking up how dramatic the movements have become. we are amazed.

sleeping has headed into the challenging realm ... finding a comfortable spot is tough and sleep is starting to missed at odd hours ... guess that's all prep for when she is actually here! my nesting instincts are setting in and i have prepped the nursery for the most part. we only have one package of diapers so far (thanks Gennie) ... so i better get on that! its hard to stock up when you don't know how little or big this girl is going to be and what brand of diapers you will like! i have clothes ready to go by size all put away in the dresser and look forward to another baby shower here in Eugene in a few weekends.

we had a marathon birthing class last saturday. it was actually really good, contrary to what we had heard from friends. it was informative and good prep for us. it kind of gave us some confidence in the whole thing and was really good for nate. videos and all and he left feeling more confident in his roll of supporting me during labor and delivery ... i on the other had - being so close to giving birth - was just amazed that i was actually going to go through that. i am going to birth a baby. i feel a little more confident and hope that i can actually apply some of the stuff we learned on the big day.

in other news ... my OB thinks that the GD specialist won't let me go past 39 weeks ... we shall see what he says at my appointment next Tuesday where i will see baby girl again in 3-D. it feels to me that even just over the past week i have had a growth spurt - no, that's not a basketball under my dress these days ...

i did not intend on having the exercise ball in the picture as a reference point, but i guess it works. 8 1/2 months, I suppose this roundness is appropriate :) its especially crazy when you compare it to this 6 week shot:



side view at 34 weeks ... embracing the roundness that is me and my baby girl ... so excited to meet her!

we are also still playing the name game ... trying to decide a name is really intimidating! i know we are going to have to see her before we really decide but what if we don't know even after that?!

the most photographed baby in utero

as of today - August 8th - i am 31 weeks! just a week shy of 8 months pregnant. a friend asked me the other day how far along and when i replied - almost 31 weeks she replied - "oh, only 9 more weeks to go - that's not too long" .... and that is when i started to have a mini panic. mostly about labor ... sort of about having a baby to take care of ... but mostly about labor. i have had two friends here in Oregon that have recently given birth and all i can say is whoa. but they are recovering and doing great - bumpy roads to motherhood and all. and there are all of you ladies out there reading this that have done it ... some of you multiple times! so i keep telling myself that millions of women have given birth in the course of history and certainly i can do it too. i feel blessed to be counted among you ladies and i am very excited to join the ranks of motherhood.

baby girl has been moving and shaking a ton these days, which adds to the reality that yes - there is a human being growing in my womb. the 3-D ultra sound images below (taken today) also help to solidify the reality! she is 3 1/2 pounds already (she gained an ounce this week)! she was sort of shy and had her hand up to her face the entire time we were looking at her ... we even tried to poke and jiggle her into another position without much success. this is what she was doing most of the time:


i love how you can see the definition of the hands and fingers so well! here is another shot where it's either her hand moving (so its blurry) or its the umbilical cord by her face. the other shots pretty much look like the one above or below.

i may have shed a few tears when i saw this girl's face. its so amazing how something so precious will be ours to love and take care of. i felt really really blessed to be her mom in this moment.

the reason for this super spiffy ultra-sound at this stage of the game is because i recently was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD). not awesome. according to the doctors due to my family history i most likely will have it with any subsequent pregnancies (95% chance). i of course immediately worried that my pre-pregnancy weight-gain triggered my genes and the dietitian said that she didn't really think so. she said finding out this late in pregnancy was a good sign - keep the GD off as long as possible. of course losing the baby weight and the pre-pregnancy weight before another baby is desirable for all sorts of health and happiness reasons, it will at best delay the onset of gestational diabetes. with GD the pregnancy hormones keep my body from utilizing insulin to the best of its ability.

i get the joy of testing my blood four times a day with this little guy:



and have become quite skilled over the last four days. the trend thus far is that my fasting (over-night) blood sugar is high and so is my 1-hour post breakfast blood sugar (no matter what i do or do not eat). i can get my post lunch and dinner blood sugar down though with watching my carb intake (i love carbs of course) and limiting my fruits (so mean to a pregnant lady in the summer - right?) but we shall see. i might have to go on some medication at night to help keep the morning sugars low.

so they will be monitoring my blood sugar and checking up on baby girl via ultra-sound again in four weeks ... that will make a total of 5 ultra-sounds!

12 weeks - "are you really 14 weeks? nope you are 12 weeks" vaginal ultra-sound
20 weeks - "its a girl" ultra-sound - but she's measuring a tiny bit small
30 weeks - "just checking" ultra-sound - she looks good!
31 weeks - "gestational diabetes monitoring" ultra-sound - she still looks good!
next one - 35 weeks to check to make sure she is not getting too big

nate and i joke that she is the most photographed baby in utero on the planet.

the doctors won't let me go late for fear of the baby getting too big and if she is getting too big than they will induce early (eek!) so we will have a baby by October 11th for sure. Whoa.

anyway - since i gave you a shot of my insides, i figure its only fair to give you a shot of what we look like on the outside ... here i am in all my glory with baby girl at 31 weeks:

i wear dresses and skirts a lot these days ... so much more comfortable ... so i made sure to take a snap shot of me in one ... you know - for remembrance and all. my hair is getting so long and while i could definitely use a trim, its still really healthy and feels great. my skin - as i have mentioned before - is a whole other situation ... still awful.

i have a few other updates on projects i have been working on ... crib is up and running ... finally painted the baby's dresser/changing table ... and other projects ... AND i must show you the beautiful blankets/quilts made for me by some dear friends and family ... but all of these things need some photographs first.

one final note ... i am heading to So-Cal this thursday to see family and have a baby shower (yipee!) and its going to be the first time that nate and i have been apart since we were married 23 months ago. yeah we spend all day apart at work but never all day and all night. we are spoiled i know. i think it will be fine ... just weird. we aren't much of phone talkers so this should be interesting.

tackling the list + 6 month photos

the list is getting attention folks! i am checking things off! but then again, i am also adding things to the list ... eek! is it okay to add things to the list just to check them off? i think adding somethings - like take 6 month photos and post or FINALLY post before and after photos of your sofa - are okay to put on the list just to check them off ... but go to the grocery store or do the laundry ... your just trying to make yourself feel better. so here is the progress:

- make baby gift for a friend (must be done before July 9th!)
- finish christmas craft (i know its early but i wanted to do it before the baby comes!)
- paint dresser (need hubby's help and a sunny Saturday)
- hang two frames downstairs 7/1/11




i hung those two little dark gray frames finally ... just to finish that wall off. nate asks me all the time, "are we going to leave those frames blank?" i tell him maybe some of them but i want to but pictures of baby in a few of them.

i like how it flows from nate's korean frame that says "home is a heaven on earth," to the frame cluster with a wedding photo (and baby one day), and ends with our beautiful Minerva Tichert picture of Christ (which i don't think i ever posted since i mentioned that it was being framed ... that is how lame i am people. this is why i need a list.)

i long for the days i can paint my walls. this whole setup would really pop!

- buy 3 wall-hangers for coat rack
- hang said coat rack
- photograph paper flowers i made for baby girl's room ... to show the blogosphere 7/1/11




i made these babies - copying a friend i made while living in DC who is now a brilliant designer in Copenhagen. she made paper flowers for her wedding and all sorts of other events (including the royal wedding.) I will be putting these up in baby girls room over the crib with some paper lanterns ... a few of these flowers are pretty big and oh so fun!

- re-pot some of our wedding 'babies' (succulents) that are starting to die one by one
- put away party supplies (from the end of may - i am terrible)
- organize my dresser drawers and sort my clothes into stages (this is to give me more space and to help me get motivated to get back to my wedding size after the birth ... this is a reasonable goal)
- hang our beautiful wedding clock
- organize the under bed storage in both baby's room and our room
- start looking for 8 x 10 frames at Goodwill
- modify my downstairs curtains
- post photos of before and after sofa 7/1/11

BEFORE

AFTER

now i remember why i haven't posted pictures of the sofa yet - even though it was almost 9 month ago that we worked on this project - because i haven't taken any good photos! have i mentioned how bad the light is in our house? yeah its bad. but you get the idea with how bad the sofa was before and how much better it is now. my mom is amazing. she basically re-covered the whole thing with me as her apprentice. she also made me these pillows during her last visit at the end of may. i love this fabric - i found it as a remnant at joanne's. it works perfectly with the gray and black and yellow we have going on.






- take 6 month pregnant photos and post 7/1/11




me and baby girl at 25 weeks (just over six months) i am a large human being. whew. can you believe i will be getting bigger? hopefully just in the belly area but yikes. i can't blame it all on baby girl but i try. can you believe i live with that chest either? the crazy part is that upon getting pregnant i immediately gained extra in the boob area ... right away. its shocking that there are non-pregnant ladies with this bra size and even more shocking that there are women who get fake ones this size and larger. i am all for some cleavage but this is just too much.

on other pregnancy related notes ... my skin is still the worst it has ever been and my stretch marks have migrated from the hip and thigh area to the base of my belly - fortunately or unfortunately (who knows which when it comes to stretch marks) they are in the underside that is getting harder and harder for me to see. i am also experiencing those sudden urges to pee and that phenomenon that women also describe as the baby pushing or dancing on their bladder. all of a sudden i will feel baby girl move and i suddenly have an urgent sense of needing to urinate. crazy. also ... baby likes black licorice.

... she could make lists for days ...

its amazing to me how much stuff i get done at work. i make a list of things and i go at it. granted it make take a few days to cross some of those things off the list - i get interrupted and derailed a lot at work - but they get done. by the time i come home from work i am tired and lazy and have lost the motivation to work on my list of things to do at home. i feel triumphant when i actually make a nice dinner! tonight was one of those nights.

i need to make a list of the things i want to get done at home ... i am hoping that will help me kick it into gear and stop being so lazy.

- make baby gift for a friend (must be done before July 9th!)
- finish christmas craft (i know its early but i wanted to do it before the baby comes!)
- paint dresser (need hubby's help and a sunny Saturday)
- hang two frames downstairs
- buy 3 wall-hangers for coat rack
- hang said coat rack
- photograph paper flowers i made for baby girl's room ... to show the blogosphere
- re-pot some of our wedding 'babies' (succulents) that are starting to die one by one
- put away party supplies (from the end of may - i am terrible)
- organize my dresser drawers and sort my clothes into stages (this is to give me more space and to help me get motivated to get back to my wedding size after the birth ... this is a reasonable goal)
- hang our beautiful wedding clock
- organize the under bed storage in both baby's room and our room
- start looking for 8 x 10 frames at Goodwill
- modify my downstairs curtains

the great state of illinois

i have never been to the midwest - i have been as far as Oklahoma but that is considered the Great Plains ... right? anyway, lets just say i have never been to the midwest as an adult and that i have spent most of my traveling time on the US coasts and abroad. lately nate and i had been talking about how living in the midwest or really anywhere would be an adventure. i really would love to live in every part of the country just to see what life is like there. visiting doesn't really cut it. you have to live an everyday life to really get the feel for a place. that is just me. will it happen? who knows! should it happen? who knows! if nate stays teaching at the university level it could happen.

but anyway ... we made our trip out to chicago and normal/bloomington, illinois this last week and had a wonderful time. it was action packed, yet a little bit low key and lazy ... a perfect combination for this lady with swollen feet and ever burgeoning belly. i seriously get noticeably bigger every few days. i feel like fortune cookie has growth spurts and i FEEL it. i FEEL my body stretching and i FEEL noticeably rounder. whoa. but i also started to finally FEEL baby girl move in my belly! just a few days ago (thursday june 16th to be exact) i was spending a lazy morning in my brother's house laying on the sofa when i started to feel a wiggly feeling inside. it happened three more times ... very distinctive movement going on in there. it was magical to say the least. sigh ... it makes the swelling and the labored movements worth it.

i digress (as usual) ... we did so much on our trip before that happened ... here were the highlights (a long list mostly for my remembrance - all images stolen from sara soelberg's blog because the nate and bethany soelbergs are not awesome about taking pictures ... we will have to work on this before baby is born) :

• spent the night in seattle at the gleason's (some of the friendliest, most generous people i know) in prep for our early morning flight to chicago with my parents.
• this trip was the first flight nate and i have taken since our honeymoon in sept 2009.
• this was the first trip by flight that nate and i have taken with my parents ... we all really enjoyed it and i predict more occasions in the future.
• flew into chicago o'hare airport for the first time (for me)
• experienced their heat wave first hand, which was not so bad since we have been innundated with rain in oregon.
• met up with joe (nate's brother) and went back to his house (which his family had just moved into the week before ... we are such courteous visitors) and saw sara, libby, and jenna for the first time since last summer! so so fun!
• spent the next day at the Museum of Science and Industry with sara and the girls (joe had just started his new job) and explored space, the "smart" house (misnomer if you ask me ... we decided it should have been called the "recycled" house - which in my book is great), and an actual U-boat, and watched a cool tornado I-Max movie.
• other highlights of the Museum day included poor jenna getting car sick and tossing her cookies in a the only thing we could find to give her - a fabric bag! word up - fabric bags are not good barf bags - go figure - but that's what we had on hand. she was a trooper and of course felt much better once she had done that and we were out of the car. another bonus to this episode is that i got to see sara in action ... she is a quick and resourceful mom and i was taking notes big time.
• toured around Downer's Grove ... the cute suburb that the joe soelberg family live in and we fell in love. i could totally live there. cute houses on tree-lined streets ... where do i sign?
  

• the village is quite and quaint with a main street to make my little heart pitter patter. just a few short blocks from their house is the train to commute into the city (but not loud at all), the tivoli theater with $4 movies and $1 bowling in the basement - as shown here:

• there is also a library a short walk down main street which we visited with the girls and stopped in to grab a donut at a local bakery. while eating said donut we sat out along the street and listened to the oldies they were playing from speakers atop the old brick buildings. i loved it.
• we also spent a day in chicago walking the miracle mile and seeing the sights. needless to say we caught the bus whenever my feet demanded it, but i was pretty impressed with the walking i did. its hard when you know that movement is good for the body but the feet might not be able to do it. sitting for train rides and then walking for long stretches made for some swollen feet but fun was still had at the classic millenium park bean and fountains as well as Ghiradelli's:

• on the way to see steve (another of the soelberg brothers) who was the master of ceremonies at the Chicago Ragnar race we found ourselves in the middle of a "zombie walk" which apparently had no other purpose but to have thousands of people dressed as zombies and walking the streets of chicago. interesting, but really they had no cause? strange.
  

• we ended the chicago day with chicago pizza ... super yum! deep-dish-delish is what i say!
  

then off we went to the south to a small city of Normal, Illinois. it was also delightful with delightful people we love there. my brother and his family moved there last january and braved their first mid-west winter. their new found friends swore that this winter was worse than usual ... those former North Hollywood-ites are hoping that's true. they just moved into new house they just bought and it is AMAZING. a beautiful beautiful home i would not mind calling my own ... and this is a big deal because its a new house (only 3 years old) and my preference is towards old houses.

located next to Bloomington, Illinois, there are quaint downtown areas with historic districts and old homes to make me swoon. there are also beautiful tree-lined streets and two Universities in this little neck of the world. its the biggest thing between St. Louis and Chicago. here are some highlights of this part of the trip:

• drove around to view the historic districts and gawk at all the lovely old homes with porches and gabled roofs and even turrets on some!
• helped do some unpacking and organizing in the house - they let us come visit even though they had just moved into the house a week before!
• played with the kids and held the baby - ADORABLE - when he would let us (he's kinda a momma's boy)
• went to State Farm Park and rode water slides and the lazy river (okay nate rode water slides with the kids and I floated the lazy river and sat on a chair with my feet in the awesome water feature filled kitty pool ... it was awesome)
• had ice cream at State Farm Park and got a little bit of a sunburn (oh so welcome tho ... we are sooo sun deprived in the pacific nw ... at least were were until this week!)
• went to Nauvoo, Illinois and saw the temple and it is beautiful and magestic ... next time i would like to go in and do a session with my hubby.
  
• went to Nauvoo and took a wagon ride through the historic town of Nauvoo (i really want to go back one year for the pageant and stay a day or two).
• made a list of all the things i would like to see in Nauvoo next time when i am not almost 6 months pregnant with swollen feet
• saw a cute kids play about life in Nauvoo
• learned how to be a cooper and make a water tight barrel
• learned how to make rope and bread and weave a Nauvoo rug
• had yummy food in an old timey shop
• took a "short cut" through a few farms on the way to Carthage to see Carthage jail where Joseph Smith was martyred ... the whole scenario and the film depiction of what happens makes more sense to me now that i have seen the location.
• the town of Carthage really is a beautiful community.

its funny that now that i am a little bit older ... mostly because i have found the person i want to spend eternity with .... and also because i soon will become a mother ... i am a bit nostalgic for a small town life i have never known. i have always been enthralled by the big city and the offerings of a metropolis. but as i grow up i realize that i am really just a home-body that pushes myself to go out and do all the fun things around. i am happy to hang out with the ones i love.

the vacation was wonderful and i am so glad we did it.

random happenings

• We had a great weekend doing stuff around the house and enjoying an unstructured Saturday. Fun happenings included:

• weeded our "patch of land" (back patio) and planted three dahlia plants
• bbq with some of our favorite people
• had kebabs at said bbq
• also had s'mores at said bbq
• wore maternity shorts for the first time
• ate lots of watermelon and cantaloupe
• finished making paper flowers for fortune cookie's room (pictures to come)
• made korean food with one of Nate's students
• ate strawberry's and cool whip
• made travel plans for our trip to Chicago (we leave tomorrow night! woot woot)

• My feet have already begun to swell periodically through the day ... but now my hands have followed suit ... especially since the temperature has gotten more enjoyable (read - warmer) ... i knew this day would come ... but so soon?
• Due to said swelling i thought it might be a good idea to take off my wedding ring before we take a plane to Chicago and back this week. Call me crazy but i don't think the altitude will help my swelling.
  

Remove wedding ring = good idea

Remove wedding ring in the AM while puffy (even after a shower) = not a good idea

• As a result of trying to twist and lotion and floss and ice and everything else that google suggested to get a stuck ring off your finger ... my finger became dangerously swollen ... the nice people at SKIES jewelers ended up cutting it off ... needless to say this day has not been awesome. (yes it was my grandmother's ring and yes it can be fixed and no damage was done to the diamonds or the setting, the band was simply snipped and spread for my finger to slide right out. just one more milestone or marker for me to use after the baby is born i guess ... get my swelling and weight down to wedding ring size)

• i am really really starting to understand the physical sacrifice of bearing a child ... and i am only halfway through pregnancy ... reality is harsh ... yet i still feel lucky.

• On the bus home from work today there were 6+ people trying to help some teenage girl find Planned Parenthood ... it was especially awesome when she turned to me and asked if i knew where it was ... umm i have no idea ... yes my parenthood was planned, but not by an organization.
• Planned Parenthood ... it sounds like a misnomer or maybe a euphemism ... shouldn't it be Pregnancy Prevention - at least you could keep the double p initials going.
  

just as we suspected

fortune cookie is a ...

girl

i have pretty much known this from the beginning ... which is so funny because since i was 16 years old i have felt that i will have 5 crazy male children that i will have no idea what to do with. but once this little girl started really cooking in my oven i could just tell she was the girl variety. we are beyond excited and feel very very lucky to be anticipating this great blessing ... i mean of course its a blessing already ... but whoa we are overwhelmed by the majesty and miracle of it all and pinch ourselves all the time ... we made a baby! and its still in there! and i think i actually felt it for the first time last night! it felt like a wave inside me! and then we saw her for an hour today and measured her every little tiny body part! she appears healthy and happy and was even playing with the umbilical cord in my womb! it was adorable (strange, i know)! sigh. we are in love ...

the next thing on my mind is how to make a pastel blue, green, and mustard yellow nursery girlie but not cheesy girlie (when i say "nursery" think multi-purpose baby room ... i won't be able to do a full out nursery like i have in my head ... but i will do what i can!) the queen bed is staying in the extra room (at least for the first six months of fortune cookie's life while we have family and friends visiting) and i love love love the Paisley pottery barn duvet i have in there in those exact colors. it was my first (and maybe my last ... you never know) "high end" linen purchase in my life. when i was living/working in DC i splurged and ordered it online. i have no regrets.

i like the idea of going with those colors for fortune cookie's room ... i think they are pretty and fairly gender neutral and then i can throw in pops and punches of girlie things .... like these:

pom poms and paper lanterns above the crib ... love this idea
i am thinking blues and greens with a punch of pink

more pom poms ... but these are made of t-shirt material ...
i like the texture and warmth
(again think pastel blues/greens/yellows and a punch of pink)

But I was also thinking of some oversized flowers in the appropriate colors ...
that would be soo soo soo fun.

eek! i can't wait! my mom and dad fly in tomorrow and we are going to get going on planning and prepping and sewing and crafting and just spending some good days together! yippee!

soliciting advice

i know being a mother is one of those situations where you get advice from all sorts of people ... welcomed or not.

but in this moment, i am welcoming it. because its my blog and that means people i know and enjoy are reading this blog. people whom i admire and have gathered wisdom in motherhood (since many many of my lady friends and readers are moms already) and i would like to tap into that resource.

think of all the times people gave advice to you ... now give me your tried and true views. i realize that we all lead different lives and enjoy doing things that "work for us" so no worries - i will glean what i can.

i am asking because its hard to know what brand or style of "baby essentials" to invest in before you have had a baby ... and we all know that you need to be ready! which is why i am asking these questions now and not right before i am about to welcome our bundle of joy into the world. i like to investigate and be as prepared as possible. so please weigh in on some of these questions that are on my mind - feel free to leave a comment or email me if you would rather share your opinion privately. feel free to comment on one or all of the topics listed below.

that being said - here are my questions:

1) INFANT CAR SEAT: i think we have decided to invest in an infant car seat - not a convertible car seat - this first time in hopes that we will have more than one child in a "timely" manner that will allow us to re-use car seats. so that being said, is it the best idea to get a car seat that works up to 35lbs? ... here is my thought process. the pluses with an infant car seat is that they can be taken out of the car and into church or attached to a stroller while remaining in the seat. if my kid is weighing more that 22lbs do i still want this option or carrying the baby and the seat? am i going to want to carry my 35lb baby IN the car seat still, or will i be leaving the seat behind at that point? (are those wimpy never-been-a-mother comments?) am i taking my baby out of the seat at this point anyway? the reason i ask is because i am all about a more streamlined design for baby stuff ... i am not into the tons of plastic crap that surrounds baby everything ... and a more "pared-down" version of infant car seats tend to limit out around 22lbs. tell me your thoughts.

2) CLOTH DIAPERS: i know i know ... some people swear by it and some people have horror stories. i would like to try it but i don't have any friends that have (unless any of you have but i didn't know it - if so tell me please!) i hear/read that it is gotten pretty awesome these days but i fear that i will not be awesome/crazy enough to do it. any thoughts or feelings about the topic?

3) BOUNCER/SWING: again, i am all about limiting the baby stuff (especially because we live in an apt and have a few more moves in us most likely while baby is still under the age of 1). this one can probably wait until after the wee one comes to us and we see what personality preferences emerge. but these things can be bulky and super expensive ($50+ sometimes ... sheesh). i will probably need to thrift something like this if needed. anyway ... its always good to gather research.

4) ENTERTAINER: i love the concept of this thing ... babies love these things too and it helps strengthen their legs for crawling and walking ... but AGAIN bulky! does anyone know of a really minimalist version of this? i can add my own toys but a base would be awesome. just thought i would ask the people that know.

i think those are my only questions for now. i am busy checking websites and reading reviews. p.s. i am loving albeebaby.com ... they have some good price reductions and shipping is free over $100 and only $4.95 under $100. i hate paying for shipping.

fortune cookie's debut

i am happy to say that nate and i were spot on with the baby's "age" ... as of my monday appointment (april 4th) fortune cookie is 12 weeks and 4 days ... making our due date october 13th (don't worry its no a friday ... i looked ... a baby expected on a friday the thirteenth in october is almost more than i can take ... i am already bummed out about celebrating my first born's birthdays in the month of orange and black for the rest of eternity - no offense to Libras and Scorpios out there ... october is just not one of my most favorite months ... but i do take comfort that my sister and my bff and one nephew are all october libras)

i had a vaginal ultra-sound (can we say fun) so we could measure fortune cookie and it was a magical experience seeing the baby like that! you can see every little rib and bone! i was able to see one little hand (five fingers on at least one)! it is amazing how defined the legs and calf muscles are ... life is a miracle.

lots of moving and grooving in their, making it a bit hard to get some good photos ... we tried to get a good hand and a fully face shot with no success ... fortune cookie was too busy having a pool party ... such is life. here are the shots we got:




This last one is my favorite ... right before we snapped this photo the baby moved ... but he/she was in full downward-facing dog pose with bum in the air and all! adorable.

Despite it All ... I Just Knew (A Long Journal Type Entry)

I wrote this on Feb 6, 2011 ... a few days after we found out we were expecting.

Coming up on a week of having a cold, I called my mom in frustration (because your mother is the best person to use as a sounding board) - mostly looking for validation in my feelings and thoughts. I described how I had a feeling I was pregnant but every time I took a test it came out negative and that I didn't want to take any cold medicine because I really felt like the tests were wrong. I was afraid that my cold was turning into a sinus infection and I did not want to re-live that experience from January 2009 (believe me it was AWFUL). My mom suggested that I go see a doctor and at first I didn't want to because I didn't want them to tell me I was wrong - that I wasn't pregnant and that I didn't have a sinus infection. And maybe even worse - that my body was all messed up and I wasn't ovulating (like my doctor in the past has suspected.) I just wasn't sure I was ready to hear it all.

Of course my mom told me to just go and get the ball rolling on the whole thing and by the end of our conversation, I was resolved to make an appointment with the doctor. I called an OBGYN and told them my story - I thought I was pregnant ... I was late but my period isn't regular and test came out negative ... but I still felt like I was pregnant ... AND I had a bad head cold that I was worried was evolving into a sinus infection but I didn't want to take anything if I was pregnant. They basically said - we can't give you any medical advice until we see you and you can't get in for a week or so. Then she suggested that I see my general practitioner and ask them to do a pregnancy test. So that is what I did .... and the next afternoon (Wednesday Feb 2nd) I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for them to call my name.

The nurse - Marci - was outgoing and fun and we chatted about my symptoms and then I said ... but I haven't taken any medicine because I think I might be pregnant. She squealed and said - "Do you want to find out?" ... Yes ... "Do you need to pee?" ... I could pee. As we briskly walked down the hall I frantically told her that all the at home tests I had taken had come out negative but it wasn't like me to be late.... blah blah blah.

I took the test and it came out negative. I wasn't heart broken but I was a bit confused. She gave me the pep talk of "its okay, keep trying" and told me the doctor would be in shortly to see me. In he came and I debated about re-telling the whole thing and decided that it must be noted in my chart or something that we just got a negative response to the pee test. We talked about my cold, he went to listen to my back ... and a techinician knocked on the door looking for the nurse Marci ... we resumed our exam and he agreed that I was heading into a sinus infection and that antibiotics were needed ... along with some cough syrup with codine and sudafed (available only by prescription in Oregon). He put in the order and then said good day and good luck. I thanked him and preceded to get my coat and scarf on to leave when Marci came running in saying "thank heaven's you are still here ... don't move!" So I obeyed and waited as the doctor and Marci came back in and said, "so you think you might be pregnant" and I said, "I wasn't sure if that was relevant anymore" and Marci piped in "yeah since I just told you that you aren't ... you must be a bit confused!"

Yes Yes I was.

The doctor sent me to the lab to take a blood test to find out for sure. So apparently the nurse that had knocked on the door was looking for Marci because she saw a second line appear on the pregnancy test - a very faint line - but as many of you know ... a line is a line. Once she found Marci they did another test and sure enough - a really faint line appeared a second time. They showed me the samples and said - "We think you are pregnant! Yay!" I had to tell everyone to calm down because I didn't want to get my hopes up. They were like - "Oh be positive this is great - you are pregnant - its so happy" and then I burst in to tears because I was so scared the blood test would be negative ... EVEN THOUGH I KNEW TWO WEEKS AGO THAT I WAS PREGNANT. Even before the 19th of January I thought I might be, but I dismissed it as wishful thinking. But after the 19th I was pretty sure, but the test kept coming out negative.

So they took my blood as I cried and they told me that the results usually took a day to get back from the lab but because they too were sooo curious they were going to put a rush on it and Marci would call me by 5:00pm (it was already 3:45 by then). I walked out of there in a daze and headed to the pharmacy down the street. My whole world had just potentially changed and I was sooo excited and overwhelmed and still reserved that it wasn't true. By the time I received my medicine and explained to the pharmacist that I no longer wanted the prescribed sudafed (doctor said to play it on the safe side and not take it which was fine by me) because I thought I might be pregnant ... Marci called!

Amidst signing for the medicine and talking to the pharmacist I heard Marci say that the blood test was similar to the other test - faint but for sure positive! I was definitely pregnant and there was no way I would have found out at home for another week or two. She said they would look closer at my blood to determine how far along I was and call me the next day. Again I was in a daze as I drove home to tell Nate the wonderful news!

I came home and told Nate that I needed a hug. We hugged for a bit and I took off my sweater and showed him my hot pink bandage where they took my blood. He asked me why they took my blood and I hugged him and said because they want to find out for sure if I was pregnant! He was super happy and squeezed me tight. We are soooo excited!

The next day Marci called with the results that they think that we are 5/6 weeks pregnant! That gives us an October 3, 2011 due date. Whoa. That is pretty close to what were were shooting for! By my estimations, we were more likely 3 weeks when we found out. We have since had a few baby doctor appointments and I have been overwhelmingly sick. Immediately it was discovered that I had a yeast infection and a urinary track infection - AT THE SAME TIME (seriously who does that).

Updated April 4, 2011:

A month after finding out I got ANOTHER Sinus infection ... only this one was on par with the sinus infection from 2009. I was down and out for a week and wished for death. Amongst all this I was nauseated like I have never felt before. All sorts of foods would sound good one week and the next week I couldn't stand the thought. I was totally off fruit for a month - it just didn't taste the same and I couldn't eat it. We met our doctor during sinus infection #2 and we really liked him. He gave me a strong anti-biotic (but still okay for baby) and it still took days to recover. That was awful. Then my on-going eye infection/irritation returned in my left eye and the eye doctor tried to help me. After two visits and a week, we got it straightened out. Then last weekend Nate woke up on Saturday with a terrible head cold and I woke up with a swollen right eye! Seriously ... can I get a break here? Pregnancy is going to kill me from discomfort.

We both recovered in time to keep our appointment to see the little flicker of the heart beat of our little fortune cookie. It was magical. After that appointment I shared the news with my co-workers and bosses and everyone has been really supportive and congratulatory. I feel very blessed. I have another ultra-sound tomorrow (Monday 4/4) to determine if we are 14 weeks or 12 weeks (like Nate and I think we are ... not that I want to drag this on any longer ... it already feels like forever) ... but my doctor wants to try to be as accurate as possible.

More to come ...... and it only gets better in the second trimester ... right?!

i'm spreading the news ...

remember this awesome Halloween costume idea that i thankfully realized was inappropriate for church trunk o'treats???

well its too bad we won't be at this stage next Halloween:


that is because our little "bun" will no longer be in the proverbial "oven" ... if you know what I mean (wink wink)!

Yes we are having a wee one! And we are so so so excited about it. Its been tough to keep this one under wraps - because I am the WORST at keeping my own secrets (case in point - telling people Nate and I were getting married before he had the chance to tell a few choice family members).

We just saw the little flicker of the heartbeat today and it was magical. We have a follow up next week to get a more accurate idea of how far along we are (our doctor had to rush our appointment due to a patient in labor and ready to deliver) and when our official due date will be (sometime in October).

We are super duper excited to have a baby and feel really blessed that all is going well so far! Yay for babies ... more details to come!