Despite it All ... I Just Knew (A Long Journal Type Entry)

I wrote this on Feb 6, 2011 ... a few days after we found out we were expecting.

Coming up on a week of having a cold, I called my mom in frustration (because your mother is the best person to use as a sounding board) - mostly looking for validation in my feelings and thoughts. I described how I had a feeling I was pregnant but every time I took a test it came out negative and that I didn't want to take any cold medicine because I really felt like the tests were wrong. I was afraid that my cold was turning into a sinus infection and I did not want to re-live that experience from January 2009 (believe me it was AWFUL). My mom suggested that I go see a doctor and at first I didn't want to because I didn't want them to tell me I was wrong - that I wasn't pregnant and that I didn't have a sinus infection. And maybe even worse - that my body was all messed up and I wasn't ovulating (like my doctor in the past has suspected.) I just wasn't sure I was ready to hear it all.

Of course my mom told me to just go and get the ball rolling on the whole thing and by the end of our conversation, I was resolved to make an appointment with the doctor. I called an OBGYN and told them my story - I thought I was pregnant ... I was late but my period isn't regular and test came out negative ... but I still felt like I was pregnant ... AND I had a bad head cold that I was worried was evolving into a sinus infection but I didn't want to take anything if I was pregnant. They basically said - we can't give you any medical advice until we see you and you can't get in for a week or so. Then she suggested that I see my general practitioner and ask them to do a pregnancy test. So that is what I did .... and the next afternoon (Wednesday Feb 2nd) I was sitting in the waiting room waiting for them to call my name.

The nurse - Marci - was outgoing and fun and we chatted about my symptoms and then I said ... but I haven't taken any medicine because I think I might be pregnant. She squealed and said - "Do you want to find out?" ... Yes ... "Do you need to pee?" ... I could pee. As we briskly walked down the hall I frantically told her that all the at home tests I had taken had come out negative but it wasn't like me to be late.... blah blah blah.

I took the test and it came out negative. I wasn't heart broken but I was a bit confused. She gave me the pep talk of "its okay, keep trying" and told me the doctor would be in shortly to see me. In he came and I debated about re-telling the whole thing and decided that it must be noted in my chart or something that we just got a negative response to the pee test. We talked about my cold, he went to listen to my back ... and a techinician knocked on the door looking for the nurse Marci ... we resumed our exam and he agreed that I was heading into a sinus infection and that antibiotics were needed ... along with some cough syrup with codine and sudafed (available only by prescription in Oregon). He put in the order and then said good day and good luck. I thanked him and preceded to get my coat and scarf on to leave when Marci came running in saying "thank heaven's you are still here ... don't move!" So I obeyed and waited as the doctor and Marci came back in and said, "so you think you might be pregnant" and I said, "I wasn't sure if that was relevant anymore" and Marci piped in "yeah since I just told you that you aren't ... you must be a bit confused!"

Yes Yes I was.

The doctor sent me to the lab to take a blood test to find out for sure. So apparently the nurse that had knocked on the door was looking for Marci because she saw a second line appear on the pregnancy test - a very faint line - but as many of you know ... a line is a line. Once she found Marci they did another test and sure enough - a really faint line appeared a second time. They showed me the samples and said - "We think you are pregnant! Yay!" I had to tell everyone to calm down because I didn't want to get my hopes up. They were like - "Oh be positive this is great - you are pregnant - its so happy" and then I burst in to tears because I was so scared the blood test would be negative ... EVEN THOUGH I KNEW TWO WEEKS AGO THAT I WAS PREGNANT. Even before the 19th of January I thought I might be, but I dismissed it as wishful thinking. But after the 19th I was pretty sure, but the test kept coming out negative.

So they took my blood as I cried and they told me that the results usually took a day to get back from the lab but because they too were sooo curious they were going to put a rush on it and Marci would call me by 5:00pm (it was already 3:45 by then). I walked out of there in a daze and headed to the pharmacy down the street. My whole world had just potentially changed and I was sooo excited and overwhelmed and still reserved that it wasn't true. By the time I received my medicine and explained to the pharmacist that I no longer wanted the prescribed sudafed (doctor said to play it on the safe side and not take it which was fine by me) because I thought I might be pregnant ... Marci called!

Amidst signing for the medicine and talking to the pharmacist I heard Marci say that the blood test was similar to the other test - faint but for sure positive! I was definitely pregnant and there was no way I would have found out at home for another week or two. She said they would look closer at my blood to determine how far along I was and call me the next day. Again I was in a daze as I drove home to tell Nate the wonderful news!

I came home and told Nate that I needed a hug. We hugged for a bit and I took off my sweater and showed him my hot pink bandage where they took my blood. He asked me why they took my blood and I hugged him and said because they want to find out for sure if I was pregnant! He was super happy and squeezed me tight. We are soooo excited!

The next day Marci called with the results that they think that we are 5/6 weeks pregnant! That gives us an October 3, 2011 due date. Whoa. That is pretty close to what were were shooting for! By my estimations, we were more likely 3 weeks when we found out. We have since had a few baby doctor appointments and I have been overwhelmingly sick. Immediately it was discovered that I had a yeast infection and a urinary track infection - AT THE SAME TIME (seriously who does that).

Updated April 4, 2011:

A month after finding out I got ANOTHER Sinus infection ... only this one was on par with the sinus infection from 2009. I was down and out for a week and wished for death. Amongst all this I was nauseated like I have never felt before. All sorts of foods would sound good one week and the next week I couldn't stand the thought. I was totally off fruit for a month - it just didn't taste the same and I couldn't eat it. We met our doctor during sinus infection #2 and we really liked him. He gave me a strong anti-biotic (but still okay for baby) and it still took days to recover. That was awful. Then my on-going eye infection/irritation returned in my left eye and the eye doctor tried to help me. After two visits and a week, we got it straightened out. Then last weekend Nate woke up on Saturday with a terrible head cold and I woke up with a swollen right eye! Seriously ... can I get a break here? Pregnancy is going to kill me from discomfort.

We both recovered in time to keep our appointment to see the little flicker of the heart beat of our little fortune cookie. It was magical. After that appointment I shared the news with my co-workers and bosses and everyone has been really supportive and congratulatory. I feel very blessed. I have another ultra-sound tomorrow (Monday 4/4) to determine if we are 14 weeks or 12 weeks (like Nate and I think we are ... not that I want to drag this on any longer ... it already feels like forever) ... but my doctor wants to try to be as accurate as possible.

More to come ...... and it only gets better in the second trimester ... right?!